Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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