Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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