I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize