don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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