i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize