I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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