I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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