you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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