we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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