he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize