im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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