Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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