You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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