Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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