i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize