I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
as a side note pls kill me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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