dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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