Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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