and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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