I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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