Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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