Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize