if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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