Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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