Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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