I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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