I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize