he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize