The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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