Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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