she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize