I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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