We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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