I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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