1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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