The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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