I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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