I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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