My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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