ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize