Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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