dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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