You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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