Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize