Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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