i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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