Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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