oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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