I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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