I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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